Author Topic: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet  (Read 148593 times)

Offline Ploppy

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it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #720 on: September 16, 2011, 12:11:02 PM »
Top Tip: Avoid having to buy expensive binoculars by simply standing closer to the object you wish to view

Offline Barny

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it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #721 on: September 17, 2011, 02:17:38 PM »


  MOTORISTS. When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly, and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught.

SKATEBOARDERS. Stop your trousers from falling halfway down your arse by wearing a strip of perforated leather with a buckle around your waist.
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Offline Tony and Sandra Smith

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it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #722 on: September 17, 2011, 04:40:51 PM »
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.

Sandra  
« Last Edit: September 17, 2011, 04:41:22 PM by Tony and Sandra Smith »
Tony


With thanks to Ueuecoyotl, the Aztec God of Sex and Irresponsible Merrymaking (I've found my deity!!)

Offline Tony and Sandra Smith

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it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #723 on: September 17, 2011, 04:44:47 PM »
Office manager on the day of the 'big board meeting' can't find his usually impeccably reliable main presenter. So he calls him at home:

He gets a little girl's voice on the phone :

'Hi, can I speak to Mr Smith please?'
-No, I'm sorry, Daddy's speaking to the policeman.
'Oh, do you think you could ask him to come to the phone?'
-No, I'm sorry, the fireman's just arrived, he's speaking to him now!
'Oh, my god, is it anything serious?'
-No, no.... errr... wow, there's a helicopter just landed in the road outside!
'My god, what is it the policeman, the fireman and the helicopter are doing with your dad??'







-Oh, they're looking for me!
Tony


With thanks to Ueuecoyotl, the Aztec God of Sex and Irresponsible Merrymaking (I've found my deity!!)

Offline Ploppy

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it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #724 on: September 17, 2011, 05:16:20 PM »
MOTORISTS: Confuse fellow road users by fitting a Polystyrene 'Snow Baffle' to the roof of your vehicle in Summer months.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2011, 05:16:35 PM by Ploppy »

Offline Barny

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it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #725 on: September 17, 2011, 05:44:02 PM »


 HUSBANDS. Tired of sleeping with the same wife? Simply lie on top of her until she goes numb, and Hey Presto! She'll feel like someone else's wife.


 PEOPLE WHO don't like eating breakfast. Sit on your cornflakes until they go numb and, hey presto, it feels like someone else is eating your breakfast.
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Offline stewart

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it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #726 on: September 26, 2011, 01:26:55 PM »
only 1 in 7 dwarves is Happy

Offline Tony and Sandra Smith

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #727 on: June 18, 2014, 10:12:06 PM »
Lets have some more top tips or some obscure photos of Crete to identify


Tony
Tony


With thanks to Ueuecoyotl, the Aztec God of Sex and Irresponsible Merrymaking (I've found my deity!!)

Offline Tony and Sandra Smith

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #728 on: June 18, 2014, 10:16:25 PM »
HAVING TROUBLE getting one of those baseball caps with the peak on the back? Simply get one with the peak on the front (available anywhere), cut the peak off and sew it on the back.

Tony


With thanks to Ueuecoyotl, the Aztec God of Sex and Irresponsible Merrymaking (I've found my deity!!)

Offline Tony and Sandra Smith

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #729 on: June 18, 2014, 10:41:29 PM »
A GLASS mixing bowl turned upside down over a saucer of water in the garden makes an ideal Centre parks for ants.

Tony


With thanks to Ueuecoyotl, the Aztec God of Sex and Irresponsible Merrymaking (I've found my deity!!)

Offline Tony and Sandra Smith

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #730 on: March 02, 2015, 06:01:27 PM »
Come on everyone! I am am missing some Plakchat. Even if you have nothing to say about Plakias let's have some banter or some jokes!


Tony

Tony


With thanks to Ueuecoyotl, the Aztec God of Sex and Irresponsible Merrymaking (I've found my deity!!)

Offline Barny

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #731 on: March 02, 2015, 06:37:28 PM »
What happened next?
Oh, two?
« Last Edit: March 03, 2015, 07:48:06 AM by Barny »
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Offline Tony and Sandra Smith

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #732 on: May 21, 2015, 05:02:44 PM »
I witnessed some totally disgusting behaviour on the beach yesterday.

A man and woman were arguing in front of a load of kids, then she smacked him on the head and it all kicked off between them.

The police were called, and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it....


Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted 'That's the way to do it!'
 
Tony


With thanks to Ueuecoyotl, the Aztec God of Sex and Irresponsible Merrymaking (I've found my deity!!)

Offline Yvonne

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #733 on: May 21, 2015, 05:26:46 PM »
I was really taken in until it came to the sausages! Gullible or not!

Offline Barny

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Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« Reply #734 on: May 21, 2015, 08:04:46 PM »
Well,
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