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Messages - Tony and Sandra Smith

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 18
1
Plakias / Re: Still fantastic
« on: December 06, 2017, 02:33:05 PM »
I presume is the taverna in Mariou


2
PlakChat / Re: Christmas Greetings
« on: December 25, 2016, 12:01:27 PM »
Merry Christmas everyone. Can't wait to return to Plakias in July.


Tony


3
Gossip / Re: Not much going on.....
« on: December 15, 2016, 10:19:00 AM »
Centuries ago, the pope decreed that Jews in Italy had to convert or leave. There was an outcry from the Jewish community, so the pope offered a deal: He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. If the pope won, they would have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people picked an aged, wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The pope raised three fingers. The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the pope waved his finger around his head. The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that the pope stood and declared that he was beaten. The rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay.

Later the cardinals met with the pope and asked him what had happened.

The pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and water, to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had beaten me at every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he had won.

"I haven't a clue," said the rabbi. "First, he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him that we were staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."

4
Gossip / Re: Not much going on.....
« on: December 14, 2016, 03:58:12 PM »
Went to an Indian restaurant and ordered a chicken tarka but the waiter said he hadn't heard of it, I explained "it's similar to a tikka, but just a wee bit otter"

5
Gossip / Re: Not much going on.....
« on: December 14, 2016, 03:50:04 PM »
My colleague is unable to attend the Innuendo Seminar next week - so I'll be filling her slot instead.

6
Gossip / Re: Not much going on.....
« on: December 14, 2016, 03:47:10 PM »
I've just invented a new word:



 "Plagiarism"



7
Got them now for the 29th June to 8th July. Plakias here we come!

8
waiting at midnight for the EasyJet flights for next summer to be released so that we can try to grab a bargain deal from Manchester to Heraklion.  Nothing as yet so I suppose I'll have to go to bed and try in the morning. Good hunting


tony

9
Gossip / Re: Geroge
« on: July 16, 2016, 06:51:17 PM »
Not been on the site since 13/12/2013 according to the members list.


Tony


10
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 13, 2016, 09:35:34 PM »

A man is approached by a traffic warden:

'You're using a disabled space for your car, sir. May I ask what your disability is?'

The reply:

'Tourette's. Now **** off, you ****.'

11
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 13, 2016, 09:26:36 PM »

12
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 13, 2016, 09:23:03 PM »

Have you been hit with a rhythm stick?

You could be entitled to compensation with a personal Ian Dury claim.
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13
Gossip / Re: February onwards temperatures 2016
« on: March 10, 2016, 10:26:54 AM »
Not according to the weather link at the top of this forum page ( orange/brown "Useful Links)

Tony

14
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 08, 2016, 11:33:38 PM »
Paddy goes into a hardware store, says he needs something to clear some forest on his farm. Shopkeeper tells him that he needs a chainsaw and it will cut down 40 trees per hour.
[/color]Paddy buys the chainsaw and sets off home thinking he'll be finished by lunch. By nightfall he's only just finished and is seething about the lying shopkeeper.
[/color]Next day Paddy goes back to the shop complaining that he was told that the chainsaw would cut down 40 trees in an hour but it's only doing 5 or 6. Paddy wants his money back arguing that there must be something wrong with it.
[/color]The shopkeeper says, "here Paddy, gimme the thing and I'll show you there's nothing wrong with it." Paddy passes it over and the shopkeeper pulls the cord starting the chainsaw.
[/color]Paddy jumps back and screams, "what's that f*cking noise?"

15
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: February 14, 2016, 08:58:35 PM »
A bloke said to me 'I'm going to cut off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in the library'[/size]I thought 'that's a turn up for the books'

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