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Messages - Barny

Pages: 1 ... 3 4 [5] 6 7 ... 58
61
Plakias / Re: Wind!
« on: April 12, 2016, 09:33:40 AM »
Unpredictable is the word.
There again, I've been going the first two weeks in August for a few years and there has been little or no wind but.......

62
Where to go / Re: A website dedicated to Plakias and its surroundings
« on: March 30, 2016, 12:47:38 PM »
Plakias? I've heard of this place?

63
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 22, 2016, 06:14:43 PM »
Ha

64
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 13, 2016, 08:04:03 PM »
A police officer knocked on my door earlier and showed me a photo asking if it was my wife. Yes I replied it is. "I'm awfully sorry" he said "but I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a train." "I know" I replied "but she's great with the kids"

65
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 12, 2016, 02:06:52 PM »
One day, a Welshman came up with an idea that sheep intestines would make great condoms.Some time later, an English man thought it would be an even better idea to take the intestine out of the sheep first.

66
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 12, 2016, 02:00:05 PM »
On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”

The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”

67
PlakChat / Re: web cam
« on: March 04, 2016, 08:19:12 AM »
Have a look today! A bit 'choppy'
 warmer than here I'm sure.

       Barny.

68
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 04, 2016, 07:54:56 AM »
 A Yorkshire aerobics instructor said to his class “Hands on thighs!” so they class did… None of them could see a thing.

69
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: March 04, 2016, 07:52:52 AM »
 A Barnsley man goes to the vet:

Man : “Can yer stopme cat weein’ all rahnd t’house?”

Vet: ” Is it a Tom?”

Man : ” Nor, it’s in t’basket.”

70
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: February 25, 2016, 08:18:47 PM »

 A farmer from Skipton sadly lost his wife. He contacted the Yorkshire Post to arrange an obituary. The couple had been happily married for 50 years before she passed away.

 The farmer went to the newspaper office to make the arrangements. When informed of the cost, the man uttered, in true Yorkshire fashion, “ Ow Much? ”

 “Ah want summat simple” he explained, “My Gladys were a gud ‘arted an’ ‘ard-workin’ Yorkshire lass but she wunt av wanted owt swanky.”

 “Perhaps a small poem”, suggested the woman at the desk.
“Nay”, he said, “she wunt av wanted owt la-di-da. Just put, ‘Gladys Braithwaite died’”.

“You need to say when”, he was told by the receptionist.
“Do I? Well, put died 17th March. That'll do”.

“It is usual for the bereaved to add some meaningful phrase about the dearly departed”.

The man considered for a moment. “Well, put in, ‘Sadly missed’. That'll do”, he said.

“You can have another four words”, the woman explained.

“No, no”, he cried, “she wouldn' av wanted me to splash out”.

“The words are included in the standard price”, the woman informed him.
“Ah they? Tha means av paid for 'em?”.
“Yes, indeed sir”.
“Well, if av paid for 'em , am 'avin ‘em”.

The obituary was duly printed as follows:

 Gladys Braithwaite died, 17th March. Sadly missed. Also tractor for sale.

71
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: February 15, 2016, 09:10:46 AM »
So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

72
PlakChat / Re: web cam
« on: February 10, 2016, 07:47:01 AM »
Is it the camera or do the trees look a bit 'bare' today?

        Barny.

73
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: January 29, 2016, 11:55:18 AM »
I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: "Hardback?" and I was like: "Yeah, and little heads."

74
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: January 29, 2016, 09:53:31 AM »
A famed cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

 As a special remembrance of his life's work, a huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside the beautiful heart forever.

 At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral..... I'm a gynaecologist."

 That's when the proctologist fainted.

75
PlakChat / Re: it's quiet Carruthers.... too quiet
« on: January 28, 2016, 02:36:46 PM »
I've just deleted all the German names off of my phone,
 now it's Hans free.

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